Date Must Use Revise Paper And Add 20 Pages In M

the paper is half way completed. need about 20-25
pages added..to include more sources and sources not too old in date.. MUST USE SCHOLARLY TONE. APA FORMAT. MAKE CHANGES WHERE YOU SEE
FIT JUST STAY ON TOPIC

helpful tips below that will need to be edited from the paper attached- there are notes within the paper to be corrected. the paper is not long enough and not in a scholarly tone- this needs to be corrected

What is scholarly voice in
writing?

Scholarly voice is the formal
language which is used to write in forums, assignments, and essays. Although
formality changes depending on the subject matter, most professionals in
academia agree that second-person pronouns, slang, contractions, rhetorical questions,
and hyperbole should be avoided.

What to avoid and examples to
improve:

2nd Person Pronouns:

Avoid the use of you (singular
and plural), and your(s) in formal writing. Only use I, we, our(s) if asked to
write an opinion.

Example: To
determine the threat a potential terrorist organization poses, you must
first understand its ideology.

Better: Understanding
a terrorist organization’s ideology helps determine the threat it poses to a
nation-state.

Slang:

Slang is a form of informal
speech and should not be incorporated into formal writing.

Example: The
threat does not have the upper hand in recruitment.

Better: The
threat does not have the advantage in recruitment.

Contractions:

Contractions are formed when
words or phrases are shortened by using an apostrophe to take the place of the
missing letters or words.

Example: That’s
a dangerous assumption.

Better: That
is a dangerous assumption.

Rhetorical questions:

Rhetorical questions are those
in which the response is usually obvious to the reader; however, an answer is
not expected. Rhetorical questions are asked for effect.

Example: If we
(U.S.) do not counter the threat and advancements of ISIS, who will?

Better: The
United States must continue to lead the efforts in countering the threat and
advancements of ISIS.

Hyperbole:

Hyperbole is an exaggerated
statement, not meant to be taken literally.

Example: We are
not at war with nations; we are at war with minds!

Better: Avoid
all hyperbole in academic writing.